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Old 07-09-2017, 02:51 PM   #1
funkee1
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Prayer/mojo request!

Hey Ebassist! Remember when my ex-father in law passed a while ago? Well his wife is shuffling off her mortal coil even as we speak. I learned from many of you last time to remember that she was my mother in law, anstrong advocate for me in the divorce, a friend, and confidant, but she was my EX's Mother. So I am planning to stay well away from any proceedings unless specifically invited.

My concern is the one Funkeegirl who I still talk to. She is pretty devastated by all this, and feels really bad that she didn't make the trip to NM with her Mom and sister because she had work and school, and if "Nana" passes, she will feel 3x the guilt she's feeling now! I have already reminded her that Nana was a huge advocate of her education, and life skills, so the last thing Nana would want would be taking off of work for her.

But I need those of you who pray to pray for the best possible outcome in this situation, and particularly for me, cause I really don't know how to respond. I want to be as supportive as possible, but don't wanna rock the boat (again) with the Ex. So.....guidance?

Thanks, in advance, everybody!
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Old 07-09-2017, 03:13 PM   #2
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When my grandfather passed on, my dad told me to stay in school and not come home. I was in the process of selling all my possessions to make the flight when he came around and helped out with the cash. I wouldn't have regretted selling everything to be there. Remember that a funeral isn't for the body being put in the ground...it's for the people still here. if she feels like she should be there, she should be there.
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Old 07-09-2017, 03:15 PM   #3
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if she feels like she should be there, she should be there.
Exactly.
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Old 07-09-2017, 03:48 PM   #4
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When my grandfather passed on, my dad told me to stay in school and not come home. I was in the process of selling all my possessions to make the flight when he came around and helped out with the cash. I wouldn't have regretted selling everything to be there. Remember that a funeral isn't for the body being put in the ground...it's for the people still here. if she feels like she should be there, she should be there.
I agree and understand, and if she want's to be there, I will move Heaven and Earth to get her there. But, as Nana has not passed yet, and no funeral has been arranged, right now, I think it's best that she stay, go to school, and take care of their menagerie of pets, until such time as she's needed.

But I am going to continue to tell her not to feel guilty! Ya feel me?

Edit: In my mind, that is being supportive! Am I wrong?

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Old 07-09-2017, 05:33 PM   #5
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Honestly, I was grateful that I was able to go home a few months before my grandfather passed (on a separate trip, not specifically for that). That sort of closure can be important.
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Old 07-09-2017, 07:34 PM   #6
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My grandfather and I were very close and I did not want to be there when he was about to take his last breathes. I remember my mother called me at work and asked if I wanted to come over. He was a musician and taught me a lot and that's how I wanted to remember him. I saw him dying of cancer for like a yearand I'll never get those images out of my brain.

So maybe it was selfish of me not to be there but for the months leading up to it he was so drugged up and in pain that he was in and out of consciousness. So I doubt that he knew what was going on around him.
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Old 07-09-2017, 09:25 PM   #7
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Much MOJO sent funkee
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:51 AM   #8
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My grandfather and I were very close and I did not want to be there when he was about to take his last breathes. I remember my mother called me at work and asked if I wanted to come over. He was a musician and taught me a lot and that's how I wanted to remember him. I saw him dying of cancer for like a yearand I'll never get those images out of my brain.

So maybe it was selfish of me not to be there but for the months leading up to it he was so drugged up and in pain that he was in and out of consciousness. So I doubt that he knew what was going on around him.
This is kinda what I think too! Nana left a long time ago. That's just some flesh and bones in that hospital.

But, by the same token, when my Mom passed, no one wanted to disturb me from college, so they kept me in the dark about what was going on, and I really resented my family for making that decision for me, so I honestly do not know what to do here..........
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Old 07-16-2017, 02:29 AM   #9
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Update: Nana passed a little before Midnight on the 15th. My eldest daughter was with her when she passed. Youngest called me, and she is holding together as well as can be expected.

Do not know what they're going to do.
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Old 07-16-2017, 10:16 AM   #10
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I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
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Old 07-16-2017, 11:32 AM   #11
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My condolences, Funkee1. Prayers your way that you would have great wisdom in helping your daughters through this.
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Old 07-16-2017, 11:37 AM   #12
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Sorry, Mark.
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Old 07-16-2017, 05:33 PM   #13
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Thanks everyone. It appears that they aren't going to do any kind of big ceremony. I'm holding on to some cash to help my youngest buy a plane ticket if she chooses, and if she doesn't, I will send that money to my Bro in law (is there such a thing as an ex-brother in law? I divorced his sister, not him!) to help with the cremation costs.

Other than that, I am staying out of it!
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